{"id":995,"date":"2015-01-30T15:48:02","date_gmt":"2015-01-30T13:48:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.uab.cat\/saramartinalegre\/?p=995"},"modified":"2015-01-30T15:48:02","modified_gmt":"2015-01-30T13:48:02","slug":"quedar-bien-how-to-be-polite-and-make-friends-in-academic-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/webs.uab.cat\/saramartinalegre\/2015\/01\/30\/quedar-bien-how-to-be-polite-and-make-friends-in-academic-life\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2018QUEDAR BIEN\u2019: HOW TO BE POLITE (AND MAKE FRIENDS) IN ACADEMIC LIFE <\/strong>"},"content":{"rendered":"

The Spanish idiom \u2018quedar bien\u2019 (or Catalan \u2018quedar b\u00e9\u2019) doesn\u2019t translate well into English. WordReference<\/em> offers as basic suggestions \u201cto make somebody happy\u201d, \u201cto make\/cause a good impression\u201d, \u201cto look good to someone\u201d. Elsewhere I have come across this: \u201cto stay in good terms\u201d, \u201cto get in good with someone\u201d, \u201cto please someone\u201d, none of these 100% accurate. I mean here, of course, \u201cquedar bien\u201d in the sense of following certain rules of politeness and not the \u201cquedar bien\u201d used for clothing (\u201cthat dress looks good on you\u201d, \u201cyou look great in that dress\u201d) or cooking (\u201cme queda muy bien la tortilla de patata\u201d = \u201cmy Spanish omelette tastes delicious\u201d).<\/p>\n

There must be much anxiety about the impossibility of finding a perfect fit in English for this idiom, for a Google search throws up mainly links to translations, not definitions. The RAE Dictionary seemingly does not gather idioms, for it offers no definition of this one, nor do its lexicographers include it in the entry for the verb \u2018quedar\u2019. Another bout of unfruitful googling leaves me wondering about this strange lexical blank: everyone knows what \u201cquedar bien\/quedar b\u00e9\u201d means but nobody is offering a reliable definition of this expression; fancy how hard it must be to master by foreign learners of Spanish!<\/p>\n

The point of my post today is actually wondering whether everyone does know what \u201cquedar bien\u201d means. I\u2019ll offer my own version, to begin with, then offers examples of the opposite behaviour. \u201cQuedar bien\u201d means performing actions addressed to showing one\u2019s own good will to please others, for the sake of making the relationship with them work well. I think this is it. This varies in degree: you may \u2018quedar bien\u2019 with your couple by organizing a candlelit dinner to show your love, or simply greet a neighbour every morning to be in nice, neighbourly terms. Funnily, I do not know whether the \u2018quedar\u2019 in the idiom is self-reflexive (\u201cthis makes me feel good\u201d, that is, \u201cme quedo bien\u201d) or transitive (\u201cI make\/cause a good impression\u201d). Probably a mixture of both. No doubt, \u201cquedar bien\u201d can be quite hypocritical, as it may even cover an intense dislike: I actually hate my neighbour and I use my daily greeting to avoid real conversation.<\/p>\n

In, specifically, academic life \u201cquedar bien\u201d earns you many contacts (and indeed friends). This is a situation in which it is absolutely imperative to behave impeccably, as you never know who might be assessing you for publication, a research project, a tenured position… you name it! The worst possible situation, doubtless, is one in which your academic peers whisper behind your back that you are impolite, nasty or, God help me!, an arrogant bastard\/bitch.<\/p>\n

We are in need of maintaining our reputations beyond strict academic achievement, and it hurts nobody, as far as I gather, to have the reputation of being a real gentleman or lady. Yes, old-fashioned as this may sound (remember I teach Victorian Literature?). I do my best to apply this rule though, of course, it is for the others to say whether I am successful. I also do my best to incorporate to my academic life what others teach me, like emailing a thank you message to conference organizers once you return home, which I learned to do from a very polite English colleague.<\/p>\n

\u201cQuedar bien\u201d, in short, entails a big or small personal sacrifice to do something you NEED NOT DO. Generally speaking, though, it only brings benefits\u2013yes, it can be an extremely selfish attitude or even hypocritical, as I said. Now, for the examples of how NOT to \u201cquedar bien\u201d in academic life, this time including students:<\/p>\n

*the by now increasing tendency, as I noted in my last post, to tell your Literature teacher that you don\u2019t like reading (you don\u2019t want to signify yourself this way)<\/p>\n

*emails sent with no opening greetings and no closing words (how hard is it to write \u201cDear Professor, Here\u2019s my essay. Thanks. Yours, Mary\u201d?)<\/p>\n

*not thanking people who have thanked you for something (\u201cThank you for being a good student\u201d means, yes, that your teacher is fishing for a compliment)<\/p>\n

*pretending you don\u2019t see a teacher in the corridor: yesterday an ex-student made a point of NOT seeing me by… whistling as I passed by her side<\/p>\n

*pretending you don\u2019t see a colleague you don\u2019t like that much in a conference you\u2019re both attending (just say \u201chi, nice to see you\u201d and move on)<\/p>\n

*disrespecting in any way people in positions enabling them to a) grade your work, b) offer a reference letter or recommendation, c) hire you (this is the equivalent of shooting your own academic foot)<\/p>\n

*being arrogant at conferences when asking questions to colleagues, both your own level or superior\u2013coming across as if you know better than anyone else will make you no friends. If you want to be nasty and cannot help it, make sure you will not cross paths with this person ever again.<\/p>\n

*express negative opinions about the work of people who have a say in your academic future, for instance by publishing a negative review of their work (oops!)<\/p>\n

I could go on and on, I hope you get the idea. If you think I exaggerate, I know of an individual who is guilty simultaneously of the three last offences… my inspiration for this post.<\/p>\n

You may be thinking at this point that \u201cquedar bien\u201d is all about being a complete hypocrite\/sycophant\/brown nose\/ars licker… playing a hypocritical game. There is just a little bit of this but, believe me, it is not that difficult to distinguish between the genuine article and the phony one. A person who inclines towards \u201cquedar bien\u201d sets clear limits: \u201cI\u2019m greeting you in the corridor for politeness\u2019 sake but this does not mean I admire you\u201d. The sycophant knows no limits and will probably tell you in the middle of the corridor, for no good reason, how much s\/he admires you. Yes, they overdo it.<\/p>\n

Academic life is, I grant this, a delicate game based in many occasions on nuanced personal impressions. I find myself frequently discussing these days how big a hindrance personal differences are for teamwork to progress. Yet, happily for me, I work in a Department in which most colleagues believe in \u201cquedar bien\u201d, sometimes with an effort, more commonly making no effort. Teachers may spend decades with the same colleagues and this calls for subtle policies regarding how to make coexistence as nice as possible. Blunders happen, inevitably, but, needless to say, they must be avoided, particularly, let me be crass, to protect your own interests.<\/p>\n

To finish: \u201cquedar bien\u201d, as I acknowledge, is a fragile mixture of selfishness and generosity which only brings benefits, whether professional or personal. Behaving like a \u201cse\u00f1or\u201d or a \u201cse\u00f1ora\u201d must always be the rule, in any environment. In academic life there are inevitable power dynamics that, openly or covertly, rule our life and the worst anyone can do is ignore them.<\/p>\n

I feel like one of those Victorian ladies who used to publish conduct books, but, well, one doesn\u2019t teach Victorian Literature for a couple of decades with no effect whatsoever in one\u2019s mentality. I\u2019m even using the impersonal \u2018one\u2019 like Queen Victoria. Better stop now…<\/p>\n

Comments are very welcome! (Thanks!) Just remember that I check them for spam; it might take a few days for yours to be available. Follow on Twitter the blog updates: @SaraMartinUAB. Visit my web http:\/\/gent.uab.cat\/saramartinalegre\/<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Spanish idiom \u2018quedar bien\u2019 (or Catalan \u2018quedar b\u00e9\u2019) doesn\u2019t translate well into English. WordReference offers as basic suggestions \u201cto make somebody happy\u201d, \u201cto make\/cause a good impression\u201d, \u201cto look good to someone\u201d. Elsewhere I have come across this: \u201cto stay in good terms\u201d, \u201cto get in good with someone\u201d, \u201cto please someone\u201d, none of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":98,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18,26,34],"tags":[408],"class_list":["post-995","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general","category-post-graduate","category-teaching-tools-and-rules","tag-research"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/webs.uab.cat\/saramartinalegre\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/995","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/webs.uab.cat\/saramartinalegre\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/webs.uab.cat\/saramartinalegre\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/webs.uab.cat\/saramartinalegre\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/98"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/webs.uab.cat\/saramartinalegre\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=995"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/webs.uab.cat\/saramartinalegre\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/995\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/webs.uab.cat\/saramartinalegre\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=995"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/webs.uab.cat\/saramartinalegre\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=995"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/webs.uab.cat\/saramartinalegre\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=995"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}